so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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