Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
