you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
