Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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