All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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