My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize