i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
