OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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