Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
