Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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