eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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