i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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