don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
