I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
