Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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