When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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