she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
