Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
