just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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