I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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