She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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