I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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