your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
