Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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