I could have mohawked her pubes.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
