my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
