My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
