his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Shame is for Republicans.
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