Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You are the jesus of drinking
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
