i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
