I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
