he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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