Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we made out on top of his cat.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
