We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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