Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
