Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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