Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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