I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
