On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
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