You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Everyone says I win the strip club
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
