god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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