I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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