no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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