Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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