Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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