awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
