i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I AM VODKA MAN
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
