imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
