Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why do cheetos always look like penises
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
