Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
