Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
one might say we're banned from that church
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
