This girl is more easily done than said...
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize