Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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