i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
