It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
