How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
