K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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