i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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