Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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