I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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