I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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