My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
