He felt like a one man threesome
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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