I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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