Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
