sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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