look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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