I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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