tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize