i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
