Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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