420 ftw
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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