He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
