i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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