Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize