Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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